(Authors Note : “Smileys” in this post were inserted mysteriously and automatically by WordPress. Please ignore them.)
Meet Mr. Speilberg
Imagine for a moment you’re a struggling screenwriter. Navigating the maze of illusions, heartbreak, and “have a nice day” smiles that is Hollywood. Waiting tables by day. Writing by night. Then, one day(and because this is a fantasy.. why not?) by dint of persistence, connections and/or religious affiliations you find yourself, clutching your masterpiece, sitting in the waiting room of…….wait for it……Steven Speilberg! Greatest of the greats! Multi-oscar winner ! Cinematic giant! Soon, you have five minutes, and five minutes only to convince the celebrated one that he should invest millions of dollars plus his time and resources to bring your scribbles to life on the big screen.
Nervous Is Too Mild An Adjective
You’ve reduced the 120 super tight double spaced pages of your masterpiece, to a super, super tight synopsis. Basically – points on a page. This is “the pitch.” One that has been repeated and exhaustively role played with friends and colleagues. Until it is the leanest, meanest, tightest, hard hitting, most complete synopsis known to man. (Or, at least to the Men around you.) Casually wiping the sweat from your brow(and isn’t that the best way?) you mentally replay your pitch for the ten thousandth time, when the receptionist shatters your reverie with: “Mr. Speilberg will see you now.”
In The Lion’s Liar
He’s smaller and greyer than you imagined. With a welcoming smile and relaxed manner. Like meeting your old college professor in the supermarket. After the usual pleasantries the friendly star maker breaks the ice with : “Well…..what have you got for me today?”
YOU : “Uh……well….Mr. Speilberg…sir…..”
SS : (with a soft smile) “Steven…”
YOU :(nodding, with a weak smile) “Steven……..sir…thank you……yes…….well my film….uh…that is…my screenplay – “Moral Errors” is a physcological thriller that centers around the head of an International Financial Regulatory Organization….This guy is all set to run for president……he hasn’t announced yet….but it’s common knowledge he will…….and, because he’s well known as a result of his current job……..he’s considered the only viable candidate to beat the incumbent president……”
SS : ( no reaction)
YOU : “….So….uh..the setup here…..is that this guy has a women problem……he can’t keep it in his pants…..and although he’s been close to going under several times……his wife’s money and connections have always saved his bacon……..”
SS : (nods, with no expression)
YOU : “..but now…..a new problem has surfaced…..that appears to be too big to be contained…..hookers..some alleged to be underage…..partying with influential businessmen/politicians at a luxury hotel…..chief of police detained…lawyer involved,.. former hotel employee in jail…….and most damaging of all……participants who place our guy directly and positively in the action…..”
SS 🙁 nods, …then) “I’m not saying you’re imitative…..but it does remind me a bit of Bill Goldman’s ‘Absolute Power.'”
YOU : (discreetly cowering) “Absolutely……yeah…I mean…..of course……it IS a little cliche…..hooker, businessmen, corruption in high places,etc……..but it does have an important twist…….”
SS : (smiles and unfolds his hands, as if to say…”well….let’s have it”)
YOU : (picking up the pace) “Ok…yeah….right….so…..up to this point we get the impression that everyone whose anyone was at this orgy…….and that there were pictures…..So….in the third act…we increase the suspense by revealing the web of connections and corruption……..”
SS : (matter of factly) “And the payoff?”
YOU: (enthusiastically)”A Smoking gun!” Pictures with our guy in them, female accusers old and new bring charges……it looks for all the World like our guy is finally going down……and then…..(more enthusiastically) then…….END OF PART ONE! A CLIFFHANGER!!! (expectant, relieved smile)
SS : (breaks into a broad smile. Rises from his desk, and offers his hand) “Thanks for stopping by.”
THE END (of our fantasy)
DISCLAIMER : I have never met, nor do I know anyone who has ever met Mr. Speilberg. It is my fervent hope(and that IS the best kind) that should he read this, he will be cool with being included here. And more to the point – not sue my scrawny white ass. But that if he does, he will at least make a short documentary of the proceedings.
As stated, the preceding is a fantasy. However what is being referred to here as “Le Affaire Carlton” (The hotel in which the alleged group “moral errors” were committed) is NOT a fantasy. Although it’s reported elements are identical to the preceding “Meet Mr. Speilberg.” And the name that’s most prominently mentioned in this affair is……(you’re ahead of me already, aren’t you?)…..yes…..an “encore”(or more accurately a “reprise”) for Dominique Strauss Kahn. Yes, friends and neighbours – “The Great Seducer” himself.
Just when I(and you too, probably) thought we’d finally put DSK to bed(metaphorically speaking, bien sur) he pops up again on the “moral error” radar.
Before his “consensual” sex with an immigrant chamber maid in his $3000@night hotel suite(not charged because he was such a big important guy), and before his evasion of rape charges by Mlle. Tristane “I-waited-too-late-to-complain”Banon, when DSK truly was the only viable contender for the throne then, and now occupied by Nicholas Sarkozy, The great Seducer fielded reporter’s questions on what could possibly bring him down. “My Women. My Jewishness.” was DSK’s reply. So far, “Jewishness” hasn’t posed any problems. N’est ce pas?
But Wait – There’s More!
Without prompting He continued: “So I love Women. So What?” A question to which the World now knows the answer. Then, his hubris glowing brightly, DSK taunted the assembled scribblers with : “I hear rumors of a big orgy. Where are the pictures? Show them.” It is that question, dear reader, that I imagine is looping 24/7 through DSK’s brain. Indeed. Where are the pictures? No question that there are not pictures. Whenever Men are behaving badly there will be pictures. Thus, the essential questions now are: “Who’s in them? And doing what?”
Of all the good advice my Father gave me when I left home – there was one “bon mot” that was initally confusing: “Be Lucky.” Up to that point I thought that luck was something that happened to you. A positive situation over which you had no control or influence. Later, I was to learn what you already know. (And doubtless knew before me!) Luck can be manufactured. All you need is money and connections. DSK has both. Will he be lucky a third time in the “moral error” sweepstakes? You know the answer dear reader. Do you not?
THROW ME A BONE HERE, PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’,