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French Toasted
Scholars and popular opinion(now there’s a combination) would have us believe that the principal religion of France is Catholicism. The scholars citing numerous and detailed statistics. The number of Churches. Priests. History. Religious Holidays. Not to mention the fact that every day on the French Calendar celebrates a different Saint. Popular opinion, as always, sagely replying: “Duh……what he said.”
While it is not my intention to burst any scholarly/pop opinion bubbles , both of these groups have(unintentionally, of course) “mis-spoken” themselves.
My not unsubstantial travels in the land of fashion and foie gras have revealed another Religion. More widespread. More well entrenched. More charismatic. With sensual rituals. But, happily, without dogma. And, most significantly, one that does not demand faith, belief, or donations. 
The responsibilities of this religion were described by that well known slave owner, Thomas Jefferson who opined : “The first duty of(this religion) is to be….(hint: three letter word starting with “r” ending with “d.”)
More currently, this Major religion is discussed/proclaimed upon daily by it’s modern day Saints: Parker. Johnson. Robinson. Vaynerchuk. Translating the nuances of it’s gospel to the common folk. (Anyone without a black Amex card.)
And unlike Catholicism, This Religion comes in three – count ’em three flavors! Red, White and Rosé. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and neighbours, Boys and Girls You got it! The Major Religion of France is WINE! In all three colors.(and then some) From all regions and departements. From Grand “Domaines”, Cave Co-Operatives and Grandpa Pierre’s backyard.
Wine is France’s “raison d’etre.” You could take away the gastronomic cuisine – the cheese – the six weeks vacation – the free medical care – the earliest retirement age in Europe. And the French would still want to live. If only Wine remained.
For a nation(justly) renowned for it’s wine, one that, clearly, eats, sleeps, and, bien sur, drinks wine, you may be amazed to discover there is a physical condition associated with enjoying wine that is not recognized, let alone named, in the French Wine vocabulary.
I’m referring to that blissful state after “sober”, but before “drunk”, that we in the excited states label: “toasted.” (And it’s cousins – “tipsy”, “got a buzz on” and “feeling no pain.”)
Happily, I had the ocassion recently to pour this wine “bon mot” into the glass of one of my French pals. We were celebrating his birthday with several(more than fine)vintages. He was obviously very relaxed and happy.
But(and here’s the point) not glassy eyed, drooling, and/or slurring his words. When I asked him how he was feeling, Luc(clearly for the first time in his life) was without words.
I ended several long seconds of his silent searching by offering : “Toasted?” A soft , grateful smile ensued. “Oui….toasted.” “Toasted” Luc repeated. Savouring the word like a kid fawning over a new Christmas toy.
The moral of this rant, dear reader, is not that occasionally Americans can teach the French something about wine, but that people are toasted wherever you go.
Don’t you agree?
THROW ME A BONE HERE, PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’?
French Politics – Part Three
In every political race there is one candidate who seems to be a real alternative to the current “flop at the top.” A “Golden Boy”(or girl, as the case may be) already known to, not to mention loved and admired by “le grand public.” In this power dash that candidate is Nicholas Hulot.
Not golden boy – more accurately “Eco-Boy.” Owing principally to his TV show – “Ushuaia” In which he pilots his ULM (ultra light aircraft) over bucolic countrysides, reconnecting us to the beauties of nature. And educating us to the everpresent environmental dangers.
In addition to his TV show, Nicholas Hulot also has a magazine by the same name. Going ever further green, in 1990 he created a foundation named after, what else? – his TV show and magazine. Changing the name in 1995 to “Fondation Nicholas Hulot pour le Nature et L’Homme” 
Before arriving at the top of the tree of green, Nicholas Hulot was a photographer, radio journalist/producer and expedition organizer.
But once at the top, he began exercising his considerable “green muscle.” Getting 5 of the candidates in the 2007 election(including Emperor Sarko) to agree to make ecology a recognized priority. Since it was estimated that Monsieur Hulot could garner 15% of the vote if he ran – the other candidates quickly signed on to his “Pacte Ecologique.”
So – it’s clear in whose pocket the green vote rests. Is it not? But will it be enough against the enthroned muscle of big business? The real power behind any throne? Logic would say no. Logic would say it’s David Against Goliath with no slingshot. But then logic said the O.J. would have been convicted first time around. Did it not?
And more to the point, there’s no logic in politics. As you well know, dear reader. Further Nicholas Hulot has some unquestionable assets and advantages:
1. He’s a household word. Regardless of your politics – you know who he is.
2. He’s young. A boyish 56.
3. A Natural communicator.
4. No (Known) ties to corporate criminals.
5. Untainted(thus far) by the brush of scandal.
6. Offers an alternative to froggies who are anti Sarko/P.S. And equally to French who would rather fill their apero glasses with ammonia than vote Front National.
Thus Monsieur Hulot is curiously in the position of being “the spolier” for Marine Le Pen! A lucky by-product of his candidacy.
BOTTOM LINE : Nicholas Hulot’s greatest single advantage is that he’s offering a fourth option and what would otherwise be a three horse race.
Ready to place your bets?
THROW ME A BONE HERE, PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’?
French Politics – Part Two
As sure as God(or someone just like him/her) made little green Apples, from time to time under the political big top a star attraction tumbles from the tightrope. The high wire flyer’s demise creating an opportunity for those anxious to ascend to the same lofty heights.(But hopefully avoding the same fate.)The unexpected and supersonic descent of Dominique Strauss–Kahn(DSK)from the French political high wire has done exactly that.
Obviously, all the contenders will profit to some extent. But who, particularly will benefit? Ah, yes, dear reader, that is the question. Which, being a political one has no definitive answer. So it is that we dive joyfully headlong(and isn’t that the best way?)into the mists of speculation.
Our foray into the fog of uncertainty begans with the French Socialist party. The “P.S.”. Now that DKS’s chances of becoming the next French president are as extinct as the Brontosaurus, the heir apparent would appear to be Martine Aubry. The current “Premiere Secretaire.”
Next on the ladder of political possibility are a former golden couple who did not turn to brass – but when directly to lead. Francois Holland and Segolene Royal.They, like most of us, started young. And idealistic. They ran for and won political office. They married. Had kids. Advanced their careers. And finally were poised to capture the Elysée Palace. With Segolene leading the charge. Alors – for the first time in French politics a viable Female candidate for the presidency.
And so it was that the golden couple, in the best JFK and Jackie tradition, criss-crossed froggie-land pressing all available voting flesh. Main streeting. Town hall meetings. Q and A-ing up the yin yang. Radio. T.V. Alas, as you well remember, to no avail. Although Segolene made a courageous effort tilting at Sarko’s windmill, ultimately she suffered the same fate as the heroic Don Q.
But it’s the backstory here that’s most illustrative. During their entire campaign, the golden couple had seperated and were plannning to(and as soon as the election was over did)divorce.Politics as usual, bien sur.
Their phony “united front” recalled for me Warren beatty’s movie “Bullworth” , where his character, a lack-lustre Governor and his “loving” wife, only come together for the press.To Segolene’s credit, she did not, like Beatty’s Bullworth, respond to questions with:”(Name of questioner)we stand on the threshold of a new millinieum…..”
Just where the P.S. stands, and who stands for it – is a floating decimel point. As the parties constant internal squabbles completly rend “united” from it’s vocabularly. Leaving “le grand public” understandably dazed and confused.
That confusion is some serious catnip for the “dark horse” in this race. That dark horse(more accurately “blonde horse”,) is Marine Le Pen. Leader of the Front National party, and daughter of it’s founder, Jean-Marie Le Pen. Like it’s English counterpart, the FN is the “if they’re black – send ’em back” party.” Blaming all the countries woes – especially the economic ones – on “persons of color” and immigrants.
While not as strident and obvious as it’s U.K. namesake, team Le Pen’s”White(and French!) is right” message is unmistakeable. The Front National’s stronghold is in and around the cities of Orange and Carpentras in the South. (The South 50km north of Avignon. Not the Cote d’Aur South.)
Only once, when Papa Jean-Marie was in a second ballot run-off with Jacques Chirac, has the party ever truly “arrived” on the National scene. (Hey – it even made the front page in San Francisco!) The prospect of Jean-Marie on the throne naturally scared the ka-ka out of every anti-FNL-er, thus assuring Monsieur Chirac of Victory.
Since then, it’s been pretty much downhill for “team Le Pen.” Trouble paying the office rent. Massive staff reduction. Rumblings of neo-nazi sympathies. And the lingering legacy of torture allegations against Jean-Marie from his Foreign Legion days in Algeria.
While not new, the torture tales have been consistent and credible enough to generate several documentaries. In one of which Jean Marie, taking his cue perhaps from master wordsmith “Slick Willy” ( Bill Clinton), redefines “torture.”
However all of this will cast no negative shadow on the FN’s current campaign. Here’s why: 1. Jean-Marie has (superfically) handed the reins to Marine. 2. If you’re pro FNL – Jean-Marie’s not guilty. 3. Anti-FLN? – you’re not part of the equation.
But unless Sarko and whoever the P.S. finally decide is their hero, snort coke on hidden Video and/or commit multiple murders, Marine Le Pen has no chance of becoming France’s first Woman President. What she does have a chance to do, is be “the spoiler.” Just as Daddy did with Chirac.
However, unlike Papa in 2007, Marine stands to benefit from two, count ’em TWO camps of discontent: The anti-Sarko vote. And the anti-P.S. vote. While this won’t make her a King-maker(or Queen-maker should the other Martine get lucky) it will increase the Parties base. Almost certainly in other traditionally non-FN regions. Assuming, of course, she eschews snorting coke on hidden video, multiple murders, or other juicy tabloid scandal fodder.
Getting a feel for the players?
THROW ME A BONE HERE, PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’?
