Other Recent Articles
French Churches – Part Two of Four
Cash ‘n Christ
Although the Templars “raison d’etre” was to bring their version of “Holiness” to the Holy Land, only 10% of the T-team actually wielded a sword. The other 15 to 20 thousand organized and maintained a European wide economic infrastructure. Which was, basically, the first bank. The Templar organization provided escrow services, as well as issuing cheques and letters of credit.
Happy Trails
The latter proved especially useful to pilgrims making the trek to J-town. Rather than take their gold with ‘em, and risk being relieved of it, and their heads by the local bad guys, they dropped the goods with their friendly local Templars. Who, in turn, issued them letters of credit. Redeemable for cash at the other end.(The first travelller’s cheques.) The bandits soon got the word, and with the exception of a few pilgrim trophy hunters, turned their swords elsewhere.
B.M.O.C.
For almost two centuries, the Templars were the big men on campus. Buying land, farms, vineyards. Building churches and other fortifications.And, crossing against the light(and more) with impunity. Thanks to Pope Innocent(will we ever have a “Pope guilty?”) who in 1139 exempted the Templars from all local laws. And Taxes. They crossed backyards and borders without so much as an “excuse me.” Only when /if the Pope said “jump” were the Templars obliged to reply – “How high?”
So, “back in the day”, being a Templar was the best gig in town. A combination of rock star, sports hero, and trusted network news anchor.
And it lasted for almost two centuries.
Rain on the Parade
But, as you know all too well dear reader, the good things in life, eventually run into the law. Murphy’s law. And that’s what happened to the Knights Templar.
“History” ,as the man said, “is written by the winners.” And the T-team was seriously dropping the ball. Not only had they lost Jerusalem, conclusively and finally to that Godless Saladin, but by 1187 they had no base anywhere in the Holy land. So, what next?
The usual. Squabbling. Dissention in the ranks. How to stage a comeback? Opposition from the competition, drooling to replace them. But all that was small potatoes compared to what history had in store for the “poor fellow soldiers of Christ.”
A Froggie in the Works
History”, in this case, being King Phillip the fourth . Heavily in debt to the Templars, his “debt relief plan” (obviously inspired by Pope Innocent’s Carcassone Cathares “solution.”) was to round up as many T-teamers as possible. Imprison. Torture. Force confessions.(Think Gitmo). Needless to say, it worked like a charm. Major scandal in Paris.(And what better place to have one?)Even after the revelations that the “confessions”were phony.
My way…or the Highway
Ah, but sleazy King Phil was’nt finished yet. His rant to Pope Clement the 5th was that the only way to,”put this all behind us”…was to disband the Templars. (Thus handily wiping out his debt) Pope Clement, to his credit, was not down with this plan. However, when “never-play-fair-when-ya-can-play-dirty” Phil suggested that the alternative was to have his army pay a visit to the Pope-ville, Clement , in 1312, disbanded the Templars.
Quiet lives/Eternal Lives
The lucky ones, were pensioned off. Living quiet lives, one imagines, polishing their swords, reliving glorious campaigns, and growing Saucisson. In other countries, such as Portugal, the Templars simply changed their name to “The Order of Christ.”
The unlucky ones, as you will have guessed by now, went the way of the Salem witches, Joan of Arc, and, yes, the Cathares.
As he was working up a sweat, his hands tied into a prayer position as he faced Nortre Dame, the Templars last Commander Jacques Demolay shouted out that King Phil and Pope Clement would soon be standing before God. Can’t confirm their destination. But a year later, both were no longer on this planet.
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE!
What are ya Thinkin’?
French Churches – Part One of Four
French Churches – more of ‘em than French cheese. All over the freakin’ place! Cities. Villages large,medium and small. Even tiny “Hameaus”(a collection of houses with no commerce) you’ll find a small piece of stone celebrating the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Or all three.
French Churches are not simply momuments to Religion, but repositories of the countries history, tradition and culture.
Control Freaks
In France, as in most countries, the history of the Church is intertwined(to say the least)with the history of the State. For the obvious reason. Both are in the control business . Both want to tell their lost little lambies where/how to live, and most importantly , what’s kosher and what’s not.
The state does it with taxes, subsidies, rules and regulations. The Church with religious mumbo jumbo. But, as often happens with two power structures in competition, they “pump up da volume” – as King Henry the Eighth did when he decided the best way to get rid of his problems with his Chancellor, Sir Thomas More, was to get rid of him. Devishly simple, wot?
Party Time!
France’s Pope Innocent 111( perhaps taking a cue from Mohammed, on whose sword was supposedly written – “My message is peace”) had an equally simple and effective solution to his problem with the Cathares.(pro – cat-r’s) A religious “sect” who were “stealing” followers by the carload from the Roman Catholic side o’ the street. Pope Innocent invited all the Cathares to the walled city of Carcassonne for a bar-b-que. Theirs. When the “Head Chef” pointed out that women and children were included – his “Holiness” replied :”Kill them all. God will know the Holy ones.”
This black historical reality has added a new, equally black humor connotation to the name – “Cathares.” It now(also) means – “meat burned to a crisp.” As in : “Do ya want if rare, well done, or…Cathares.?”
(The inummerable French scholars in my audience might enjoy “l épopée Cathare 1198-1216 by Michel Roquebert.” (Editions Privat, 14 rue des arts,Toulouse.)
Leveraged Buyouts…and more 
Religion hates competition. Just like that other power structure – The Multi-National Corporation. But where the Multi-National’s solution would be to buy out your suppliers, undercut your prices,then “acquire” you for pennies on the dollar,Religion goes right for the jugular. Literally. If not a garden variety massacre like Carcasonne, then “Holy wars.” Religion with an “edge.” A way sharp edge.
The French Church’s contribution to these “missions of mercy” were the Knights Templars. Who, incidently were, among other things, the first Multi-National.
Saving the Savages
Their main mission as a ” Christian Military Organization”, was to ” capture ” Jerusalem in particular, and the ” Holy Land ” in general.
Meaning that they would have to(with the Church’s Holy blessing, bien sur) “do away with”any Godless Arabs that might, for some inexplicable reason, feel that ,to parphrase Woody’s song….”this land is our land.”
Little Acorns
Like most of us, the Templars started small. So small, and poor, that their first emblem was two knights riding on one horse! However, the Templars had a high friend in Holy places, in the person of Bernard(later St. Bernard) of Clairvaux. His movin’ ‘n shakin’ convinced the Pope In 1129 to annoit the Templars with his Holy mumbo jumbo. Now, they could attract enough investors to afford a horse for each knight. High cotton!
Not “On the Wagon”
The Templars name .Nothing to do with temperance, I’m happy to say. They started out calling themselves “The poor fellow soldiers of Christ.” Later, after one of the many times they captured Jerusalem(and they “lost” it just as many) and wanting a permanent base, The King ‘0 J-town gave them an abandoned(can ya guess why?) mosque on a hill overlooking the city. As the ruins on the mound were(and you gotta love this word) “reputed” to be the remains of the temple of Solomon, the T-team added “of the temple of Solomon” to their Corporate identity. And, contractions being as popular then as now……it was inevitably reduced to “Knights Templar.”
THROW ME A BONE HERE PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’?
French Language Lessons
If You’re not Fussy…
The French language is one of the easiest to learn. If you’re not bothered about total correctness and/or any knowledge of grammar or spelling.
How? What? Why?…and Where’s the Toilet?
If communication is “job no. one”, I’m gonna help ya get the job done. That’s right, the every helpful Beege, self-appointed fountain o’ Froggie knowledge, still misplacing modifiers and reading French at a kindergarden level, is here to give ya a “heads up”on the ESSENTIAL words you need to smoothly navigate the minefield of the French language.
A Piece of (French Chocolate) Cake
And yes, t’s the ole “If I can do it….anyone can” rant. Prior to my first French adventure, I had one very irregular week of French words ‘n phrases from a Dutch friend. They were –“right”,“left”,“please”thank you”and “where is the toilet.
Hey,….even the Bicycle Gourmet had to start somewhere!
A Vagabond’s Progress
As that first trip continued, I, as do all travelers with their ears and hearts open, began to hear certain words repeated often. Paying attention to how those words were used, eventually “translated” them for me, and viola, more vocabulary. More confidence. Easier travelling.
So, here the “ESSENTIALS“……followed by a power packed list of extremely helpful (as in “butt saving”) EXTRAS :
- right – au droit
- left – au gauche
- straight ahead – tout droit
- I would like – je veux
- I need – je besoin
- where – ou
- when – quand
- the toilet – les toilette
- how much? – combien
- how far? – combien le distance
- ok – ( “ok” is universal.)
- please – s’il vous plait (literally – “if you please”)
- thank you – merci, merci bien (not – “merci beaucoup”)
- it’s/that’s good – tres bien
- excuse me – excuse –a – moi
Some of these words,”where”comes immediately to mind, are virtually impossible to”get” from the printed page. So, ponying up for some pronunciation tapes is really”de rigeur.” And don’t tear yer hair out if you’re not pronouncing the word exactly like the tape, and the French don’t get it. There will always be those vexing syllables that are beyond the ability of us folks from”over there.”Just as the French are limited to pronouncing “the” as “zee.”(As in–”He was zee bruzzer of my muzzer.”)
THE EXTRAS
1.absolutement (absolutely)
2 claire (clear)
These two are the hands down winners in the “perfect for any situation” category.(ie – good,or bad.) So,if you don’t perfectly understand the conversation, but you get the gist, interjecting one of the above, should save yer freakin’ bacon.
3. impeccable. (same meaning as English, not to mention the same spelling! – but pronounced : “am-pec-ab”) At this point, time to hip you to Michel Thomas. A Frenchman who created a learning French Course, based on the 30,000 English words, like “impeccable” that have the same meaning/spelling as their French counterparts, but are just pronounced differently.
4 pour quoi pas? (why not?)
5 a bientôt (see you soon)
6 a plus (until the next time)
7 a tout à ‘lheure. (see you later)
8 Bisous (kisses)
9 je t’embrasse ( literally -I embrace you – in other words, folks -“hugs”)
10 ca marche (literally “that works”…but the practical useage is : “That works for me.”)
BONUS NO ONE!
That’s right!..even though this is not an internet marketing”upsell”- Beege ,hisself is gonna give ya a free bonus!(and are’nt those the best kind?)
Alllrighty then!…..your “bonus” is the knowledge that when your French creeps up to something just past kindergarden level……….you will discover that your fab French, being a Latin based language means that adding other Latin languages to your repertoire is a cake walk.
For example
French Italian Spanish
absolutement absolutementa absolutementa
BONUS NO.TWO!
While there are there many “easy-peasy” courses for coming to grips with the French Language one of the best I’ve seen(which is why they’re one of my sponsors!) is ROCKET FRENCH.
As the name implies – their method gets you where you want to be – FAST
Check them out by clicking HERE.
Ready to parlez- vous, chers amis?
THROW ME A BONE HERE, PEOPLE!
What are ya thinkin’?
